I think i peed on brittanys purse
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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