haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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