Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
