Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
