i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
