My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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