Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
