We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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