I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
