So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize