worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
