You can't motorboat a personality
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
