I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
