I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My balls are so social today.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
