Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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