i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
