were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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