that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
