and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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