I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
