Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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