And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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