a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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