I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
