Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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