Just cropdusted the office
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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