he wants to bone in the snuggie
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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