Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
