I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize