yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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