Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
