do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
