he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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