Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
