He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How naked do you want me to be?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
