his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
