I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
