Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
