Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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