is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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