From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
