Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
