so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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