Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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