Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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