so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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