so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
