Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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