dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
