I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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