she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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