Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
