So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
