I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
