the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
