A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
