I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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