Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
