K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she woke up with a sticky ear
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
