Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
