I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
