I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
