I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
