he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
