pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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