Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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