She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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