He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
