Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
